We are in the middle of our study on 1 Peter. A letter sent to a group of churches in Asia Minor who were experiencing the cost of following Jesus. You see, it was a time that bearing the name Christian was a difficult thing to do. It brought great challenges and suffering and tremendous persecution every day – just because they were called Christians.
And in the midst of all of this suffering, they starting thinking to themselves, maybe I should just dump this whole Christianity thing because it’s going to be a lot easier if I just stopped following Jesus and started acting like everybody else.
And some were even thinking that their suffering was some kind of cosmic act of God because God was mad at them or he had forgotten about them.
And that's when Peter steps in and writes this letter of encouragement; letting them know that they are not alone, God hasn’t left you, God isn’t angry with you. He’s as close to you now in your suffering as he’s ever been.
In fact, God has chosen you . . . by his grace; he has set you apart as a Holy people.
• People of Grace, who have been redeemed and restored through the sacrifice of his son, Jesus
• People of Grace, who have the hope of a future resurrection.
And it is in the midst of God’s grace; this grace that has come and a grace that is yet to come that Peter says that God is doing something spectacular with us.
He takes each of you, who are followers of Jesus ,and he places you side by side, living stone, next to living stone, and he make something fantastic, something incredible. He builds you up into a spiritual house, a place where God's holiness is revealed.
He's not creating a monument. He's not creating a museum. He's creating a movement made up of people who are to interact with one another differently; authentic, putting down our masks and getting real with one another, loving each other deeply, praying, encouraging, and just doing life together with all of its ups and downs because together, we reflect the Glory of God.
After laying out this theological framework, Peter makes this transition as to how this works out in our lives and in our relationships with those who are not Christians.
And in light of what he just said, you'd think that Peter would suggest that they should shelter themselves from the hostile world around them.
• If you’re at work and you’re experiencing abuse because of your faith, it’s time to find another job.
• If your friends don’t understand your commitment to Jesus, then you might want to find new friends.
• If your spouse or significant other isn’t a Christian, then you should trade them in for one that is.
They might have hoped that Peter said, "Protect yourself from the world around you by huddling with other Christians."
But Peter says, essentially, that Christians are not called to abandon the surrounding culture.
Instead, they're to engage with culture, with a robust faith. And this includes our marriages.
Now, just because this text is focuses on marriage, what Peter says applies to all relationships, so stick with me.
At first glance, the passage that we just read has absolutely no application to anyone sitting here. Peter was writing to address Christians in circumstances that no longer exist, at least not here. He was actually writing to address the intersection of two circumstances in that culture.
First, this was a patriarchal society that looked down on women. Women were classed with slaves as inferior beings. And wives were expected to follow their husband's leading . . . including their faith. And if she didn’t follow his leading, he had to the right make her life miserable if he chose to.
The other circumstance was that some women were becoming Christians before their husbands, which created huge problems. The fact that she would be adopting any religion other than her husband's would look like an act of open rebellion and would cause the husband embarrassment.
People would accuse him of not properly managing his household.
So as you can imagine these marriages were experiencing some tension.
Now, if you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone for more than a week, you know about tension
And the way we typically respond to tensions in any relationship is to focus on what the other person is doing wrong, or to assert our own rights.
But Peters says to these women who were experiencing hardship because of their faith, "Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands."
That's not at all what you hoped it would say!
When you are the victim of injustice, when you are experiencing stress in your marriage and you are even the victim of ridicule and unfair treatment, the last thing that you want to do.
But Peter says that is what wives are to do, and he repeats it in verse 5: "For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands."
I bet you there are alarm bells going off right now. We object on the basis of thinking that submission is sexist, that we live in more enlightened times.
But it's interesting that Peter doesn't base submission on a woman's role. Verse 1 says "in the same way."
In the same way as what? In the same way as he mentioned in the previous chapter, and it's all based on the submission of Jesus Christ to injustice. In the previous chapter Peter wrote:
To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example that you should follow in his steps.
When they hurled their insults at him, he did not retaliate; when he suffered, he made no threats. Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly. "He himself bore our sins" in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; "by his wounds you have been healed." For "you were like sheep going astray," but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls. (1 Peter 2:21-25)
Why submit? Not because you are inferior in any way. Not because you're a woman. Submit because that is what Jesus did for us. The call for a wife's submission is part of a larger call for submission from all Christians in different ways, as we'll see later on.
We need to be really careful here that we understand what submission is. Some have taken this idea of submission and twisted it to teach that women have to put up with any behavior. There is nothing in this passage that sanctions abuse or suggests that women should subject themselves to that kind of treatment.
John Piper has come up with a really helpful list of what submission is not based on these verses:
1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.
2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.
3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.
4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.
5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.
6. Finally, submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.
Well, what is submission? Submission means that you are willing to lay aside your rights and imitate Christ's example in serving others, even when it's not easy. It means surrendering ego. It’s the resolve to live one's entire life totally committed to the well-being of one's spouse in every decision.
A wife's job is to live one's life totally committed to the well-being of her husband.
And in case the men think they're off the hook, Peter writes in verse 7: "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers."
He essentially says the exact same thing to husbands. Be considerate. Treat them with respect. See them as spiritual co-heirs. Peter is writing to men who have all the power in the relationship at that time, and he's telling them to treat his wife as an equal partner in God's grace.
He says things like spend time with your wives because nothing will transform your marriage like intentionally setting aside time for one another. No matter what’s going on in in your life, no matter how busy you are . . . don’t ever lose date night because it’s is the currency of relationship.
"Be considerate" which means to understand your wife. Get to know your wife, her needs, her desires, and her wants. Learn what she likes, what she doesn't like.
If you don't know where to start, ask your wife. Sit down, and make it safe, really listen without responding, and ask, "Is there anything that I could learn that would make me a better husband?"
"Treat them with respect," Peter says. Honor her. Praise her. And understand her needs, when she doesn't feel safe.
See her as an heir with you of "the gracious gift of life." sharing with her in all the good things that life brings. Make sure that the blessings of your life are flowing to her equally.
See yourselves as heirs of God, partners.
Do life with your wife. Share it all. Open up to her and share yourself with her. Live your life totally committed to the well-being of your wife.
Don't forget, by the way, that Peter isn't writing to people who are on second honeymoons enjoying candlelight dinners. He's writing to marriages that are full of stress and tension.
The last thing in the world we want to change when someone lets us down is ourselves. We want to put all our energy into changing them.
Peter says that the best way to change them is to change yourself by laying your rights aside and putting the well-being of your spouse as your priority, even when they don't deserve it.
Here's why. A godly husband can transform a wife. A godly wife can transform a husband.
Peter says in verse 1, "they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives."
The best way to change your spouse is to change yourself - or more accurately, by allowing God to change you. The best way to respond to stress in marriage is to allow God to change you - not your spouse, you.
This applies to every relationship in your life as well. We're called to follow Christ's example in all of our relationships. We don't need to be concerned with maintaining our rights. Like Jesus, we can trust our heavenly Father, the righteous Judge, to do that. We are privileged beyond imagination, but we don't have to hold on to our privileges. We can offer our lives in service as Christ offered his life in service for our sakes when we didn't deserve it.
Well, all of this is good, but nobody acts this way naturally. There's not a person here who naturally thinks this way in the middle of a conflict. There are some of us here who would love to live this way, but we just don't know where to start.
Peter tells us how we can change to be this kind of person . . .
The only way to love this selflessly is to meditate on and bask in the one who loved us even more selflessly, who put up with injustice, insults, and even death so that we could live.
And when we're really gripped by the love of Jesus, he himself will give us the power to follow his example.
The only way to live like this is to be so captivated by the love of Jesus Christ for us when we didn't deserve it that this same love will spill out all over our lives and into the lives of our families. The best way to respond to stress in marriage or relationship is to allow God to change you, and the best way for God to change you is to bask in what Jesus has done for you and live your whole life in light of that reality.